A memory of mine from the early 2010s recently resurfaced in my mind. We had just left my dad’s childhood home. Drops of Jupiter was playing on the radio of my mom’s old car. We were driving on the I-287 highway as the sun set on the landscape of central New Jersey. My younger brother was leaning against his seatbelt; half asleep. In the memory, I feel calm. There are no expectations, no worries, no need to deeply reconsider who I am. All that exists is a warm, stable sense of belonging.

Flash forward to May 8th, 2022: my 19th birthday. I’m on top of the Irving Avenue Parking Garage with four of my best friends. That sense of belonging returns for the first time in over a decade. The only difference is that this time I don’t take it for granted. During the years that span between these two moments, a lot changed. One of these adjustments was coming to terms with being queer. Growing up, I was always taught to accept everyone regardless of their identity, but for some reason it was more difficult to accept myself. Being queer wasn’t supposed to be something that happened to me, I always thought.

I spent the entirety of my high school experience closeted and struggling to come to terms with my identity, and I was miserable because of it. Upon my arrival at Syracuse University, I knew I wanted a change. So, when the opportunity arose, I made a decision and took the plunge: I came out.

Navigating being openly queer for the first time in my life has had its ups and downs, but coming out at the beginning of my time at SU is something I don’t regret. I’m aware many queer newcomers to campus may be going through similar experiences, and by no means do I consider myself an expert, but I hope I can at least help make someone else’s transition easier by sharing part of my journey to self-acceptance.

A crucial part to finding my place on campus started by putting myself out there. That involved joining student organizations, but it also meant simply going to the dining hall and eating with new people. I remember my first week at SU, when I essentially ate dinner with the same group. One day, someone casually mentioned being bisexual. Suddenly, half the table started to come out to each other, and that’s when I realized I somehow befriended a group of other queer people without even realizing it. In hindsight, the absolute oddity of this scenario is comical, but at the time I was genuinely overwhelmed—it was the first time in my life I had made queer friends.

Soon after, I joined The OutCrowd, SU’s LGBTQ+ magazine. Through this organization I met other people who understood what it was like to be me, some of whom I now consider to be my best friends. I also learned a lot about queer subjects from articles my peers wrote about in the magazine. Being able to see from the perspective of others instead of just my own experience helped me to view queerness as something bigger than myself. It helped me to realize that I was not alone in how I was feeling, and there was so much more to life than the what-if scenarios constantly being fed to me by my own brain.

Being queer isn’t something I asked for, but a part of me that I have had to grow alongside with and learn to accept. To this day, I still feel uncomfortable when I’m aware I’m the only queer individual in the room. Often, I feel as if it’s something I need to avoid mentioning out of fear of annoying my peers. Other times, I get anxious when people assume I can speak on behalf of a community that consists of millions of unique stories and experiences. These are struggles that won’t go away overnight, but knowing I have a support system of fellow queer individuals helps me feel less alone.

Even though it’s cliche, the reason I ended up where I am is because of the people I met along the way. The truth is, there will be homophobic and transphobic people everywhere, but I can confidently say that SU’s student body is a place for our community to thrive. Maybe it will take longer for some people to find that place, but wherever you go there is an opportunity to meet new people that will welcome you with open arms.

Grace “Gray” Reed is a Sophomore magazine, news and digital journalism major. Their column appears bi-weekly. They can be reached at greed04@syr.edu.

Published on August 30, 2022 at 11:10 pm