Juice Jam is an occasion so magical, and so mystical, that it will almost make you forget you got drunk during the day last weekend too. One of the things so special about Juice Jam is that it successfully convinces hordes of students to willingly go to South Campus. It also quickly recruits thousands of freshmen to join the campus’ biggest community sport — binge drinking.

A combination of figuring out the bus system and the fact that most pregames start before the average population even wakes up on any other Sunday means that some of our teammates will inevitably not make it to the game.

But fear not my fair-livered friends, I am here to take you on a virtual tour of Juice Jam. So, step aboard this over-crowded bus full of potential new friends and water bottles/coffee cups filled with liquids that don’t belong there, and let’s go to Skytop Field.

Here, walking in, you see a long line of students, who are usually very smart, genuinely thinking they are “pulling off” sobriety. Most of them already spilled some variation of their morning cocktails on themselves, and a few of them have their eyes closed, but I will give them this little victory.

Then you note there a few people in the line who are quiet, maybe even nervous. While in this line they won’t tell you what they are doing to celebrate the day, but I can guarantee if you ask them any other time, you won’t get them to shut up about it.

Looking around, you see every guy seems to have had the same great and original idea this morning to either wear a Hawaiian shirt or a sports jersey — some even going above and beyond with a sweatshirt underneath. Power to the girls who again showed themselves as smarter by proving to have a little more variation in their wardrobe, even if they will probably be colder. PSA: The forecast is saying 60 degrees as the high and 40 degrees as the low, people.

Walking in a little bit further, we see the line of porta Pptties on our left. Directly to the right of them you will notice someone sitting on the ground, crying. I’m not sure why. No one’s sure why. They’re not even sure why. Let’s just avoid eye contact so we don’t have to ruin our buzz, shall we?

By this point in the tour you might be feeling the drunchies. Luckily, as you can see directly ahead, there is a tent with food available. Unfortunately, Juice Jam does not feel the need to reward you for surviving another year like Mayfest does, so this food is not free. So, swipe away your “fake” money that you/your parents pay “real” money for on your SuperCard.

Where does the time go? We only have 100 more words left together. Like at the real Juice Jam, I have no concept of time and I’m not sure how we got here.

I’ll just list the rest of the things you will see, because they’re a blur to everyone who makes it anyway. Girl on a guy’s shoulders, weed, bouncy castle, someone you know whose name you forget, girl on a guy’s shoulders, someone ironically wearing the Juice Jam tank top, a drunk runner, your friends, weed, someone standing alone looking really lost, freshman seriously wearing the Juice Jam tank top, girl on a guy’s shoulders, music.

For those about to attempt to Juice Jam, for the first or fourth time, I salute you.

Patty Terhune is a senior policy studies and television, radio and film dual major. Last weekend a drunk girl told her that “death is only temporary” and then proceeded to eat cereal off the floor without using her hands. You can follow her on Twitter @pattyterhune  or reach her at paterhun@syr.edu. 

Published on September 21, 2016 at 9:29 pm