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Gender and Sexuality

Pino: Women’s romantic, sexual decisions should be respected

Boys will be boys. Or better said: boys will be narcissists.

Whether at a party or a local bar, everyone has seen the same scenario play out: Boy meets girl, girl couldn’t be less interested and boy doesn’t take too well to rejection.

Researchers at the University of Georgia recently conducted a study that found men with vulnerable narcissistic traits — which are characterized by high levels of self-esteem rooted in insecurity — were more likely to commit sexual assault using alcohol or other date-rape drugs to incapacitate their victims. Of this demographic, roughly 20 percent of the students admitted to perpetrating some kind of sexual assault.

The study reflects a serious, but all too common phenomenon: rather than take rejection in stride, narcissistic men sometimes sentence women to sexual violence through coercive means. Women are often then blamed for their own assaults because there is the insinuation that girls reject guys too freely and without reason. So rather than assume that telling a man to back off is unwarranted and only used as an insult to bruise a man’s ego, narcissistic behavior should be taken as a warning sign that men need to re-evaluate their behavior.

“No” does not leave room for convincing — women have agency to make their own romantic and sexual decisions. If a woman resorts to calling you out for being creepy due to a violation of personal boundaries, the shoe probably fits and it’s time to step away. And we have seen the results of this entitled mentality that pose a sexual threat to women’s well-being in college environments before.



The Greek community is often considered to be royalty at most colleges and this elitist attitude may lead some young men to believe that they can do no wrong. Men in fraternities are three times more likely to commit sexual assault, according to studies cited by CNN. Earlier this year, Wolfgang Ballinger, a student at Cornell University and president of Psi Upsilon’s Chi Chapter became another statistic when he was charged with first-degree attempted rape, first-degree criminal sexual act and first-degree sexual abuse. The victim reported that the assault took place within the fraternity house.

The incident at Cornell isn’t isolated, but is a part of a persistent trend within fraternity culture. Even at prestigious universities that are meant to set a certain standard for American institutions, rape culture is as alive as ever. Yes, there are incidents of sexual assault on every college campus. But when there are fraternity brothers at Yale University marching through campus yelling “no means yes, yes means anal” and a fraternity brother at Georgia Tech sending an email to his brothers called “Luring Your Rapebait,” it becomes clear that narcissism loves company.

These instances don’t mean that every fraternity member is a sexual offender and plotting to cause harm, but it isn’t OK to maintain the idea that this kind of conduct is tolerated, especially when it stems from elitism. No one should feel hesitant about attending an event at a fraternity house for fear that they may be violated and voiceless.

Another recent study conducted by researchers at Knox College concluded that men were more likely to be perceived as “creepy” than women because of a higher frequency of unpredictable personal advances. By the study’s definition, “creepy” individuals make others uneasy due to behaviors that are often correlated with sexual threats — an association women are more likely to make.

But the guy at DJ’s on the Hill that you thought was creepy shouldn’t have been so insulted by the label. It turns out buckets and fishbowls aren’t at fault for the narcissistic nature of today’s youth of all genders, but increased low self-esteem and the need to rely on others for affirmation.

“It’s my understanding, that narcissism and its tamer cousin, individualism, are much more common in most men and women today than it has been in most previous decades,” said Lisa Wade, an associate professor of sociology at Occidental College and co-author of “Gender: Ideas, Interactions, Institutions.”

Though the “creepy” label might add insult to injury for both men and women in these situations, everyday gender interactions have proven the reality of male privilege. As shown in the University of Georgia’s study, when a narcissistic man’s ego takes a hard hit, they may quickly turn to any lengths in order to have their egos fulfilled even if that means taking advantage of another.

Whether on Marshall Street on a Friday night or walking past a car full of immature boys, we’ve all witnessed men who believe that whistling is the way to a woman’s heart. But, in all honesty, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a lifelong romance begin with a cat-call.

While many may argue that studies like those conducted at the University of Georgia or Knox College are the biased experiments of a misandrist, the relationship between narcissism and sexual assault is undeniable when women’s bodies are no exception to a sense of entitlement.

With sexual assault being such a prominent issue on college campuses across the country, it’s important for men to learn how to respectfully handle rejection because narcissists finish last. So while fragility is a trait often used to describe women, it may be better used to describe the ego of men who disregard boundaries.

Ivana Pino is a freshman political science major. Her column appears weekly. She can be reached at ivpino@syr.edu.





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