Remember how it was cool to wear ‘Twilight’ merchandise a few months ago when ‘New Moon’ came out? Yeah, me neither. Or how about when Hot Topic released an entire line of ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ gear, thus making Jack Skellington the new poster boy for gothic clothing? That was hip too, right? Uh, actually, it wasn’t.

And now, America stands at the precipice of another emo travesty with the new movie ‘Alice in Wonderland,’ which opened nationwide this past weekend. Directed by Tim Burton, it should come as no surprise that this movie is, for all intents and purposes, a bad acid trip.

‘It’s being very true to the original Lewis Carroll original. I mean, that’s a very, very strange book. It’s brilliantly weird or weirdly brilliant,’ said Douglas Brode, a cinema studies and film history professor.

This, of course, is great news for retail chain Hot Topic, which offers gothic clothing designs. Whenever something slightly weird or depressing worms its way into the forefront of popularity, this company’s retailers are always there to reap the spoils. Call them edgy — I call them opportunists.

Hot Topic isn’t afraid to show that ‘Alice in Wonderland’ will be its latest cash cow, either. Just take a peek inside the Carousel Mall store, though I’d suggest it only to the bravest souls out there. Adorned among the endless sea of black T-shirts and spiked jewelry sits almost every conceivable piece of ‘Alice in Wonderland’ products known to man. Oh, and that real appealing cutout of the Cheshire Cat’s floating, blue head. I used to brag that I never had night terrors. Not anymore.

The ‘Absolutely Alice’ scissor necklace will be sure to make you stand out in even the swankest settings. Just not in a good way. Struggling to find that new look that will separate you from everyone else on campus? Look no further than the garishly bright red ‘garnet lip stain.’ What better way to say that you love to break social norms than ugly lipstick? I’m not even sure how lip stain ties to the movie other than it might make the wearer resemble the inhabitants of Burton’s Wonderland. But really, is that what they want?

Now, I love all things weird. It’s kind of what I do. I don’t even mind respectably showing it off from time to time. Just look at the 15 different Batman shirts in my wardrobe. And my rubber The Flash mask. And my adult-sized Chewbaca pajamas. But I digress. If you’re a fan of something, by all means let the world know. Just do it in moderation.

As a distant cousin to emos and goths (emphasis on distant), believe this nerd when he says people will understand you love being different when you wear your jet-black ‘Off with his head’ T-shirt. Just like wearing a trucker hat doesn’t make you Ashton Kutcher, Mad Hatter earrings and Red Queen biker gloves won’t make you Tim Burton.

Such is the role Hot Topic must play in our society. Even counterculture needs its own clothing line, right? And ‘Alice in Wonderland,’ with all its questionable amounts of Cheshire Cat accessories, is just a marketing fad that will last until the new ‘Twilight’ movie comes out. Wear those red-gemmed feather eyelashes for now if it’s a must, just stay away from the fake blood.

Flash Steinbeiser is the feature editor and a communication and rhetorical studies and writing dual major. And OK, maybe once he bought a T-shirt from Hot Topic in middle school, but that was a long time ago. He can be reached at ansteinb@syr.edu.

Published on March 7, 2010 at 12:00 pm